Increasing divorce rate alarms many in Saudi Arabia

Increasing divorce rate alarms many in Saudi Arabia
Some say men are unable to deal with modern women

By Donna Abu-Nasr
Associated Press
Published: Monday, Dec. 11, 2006 11:59 a.m. MST
JIDDAH, Saudi Arabia — Khulud Abdul-Aziz enrolled in a course on manners, fashion and cooking that prepares young women to be good wives because she does not want to end up another statistic in Saudi Arabia's rising divorce rate.

"I want to be qualified for marriage in every respect," said the 19-year-old university student who is getting married in a few months.

The increasing divorce rate has alarmed many here, but some argue Saudi men can be part of the problem, unable to deal with a female population that is more educated and assertive.

The course Abdul-Aziz takes at al-Shaqaiq Society in the western seaport of Jiddah is just one of the ways social organizations are trying to help curb the number of divorces, which has grown 20 percent in recent years, according to government estimates.

While courts and marriage officials register around 70,000 marriage contracts annually, they also process more than 13,000 official divorce papers, said the Planning Ministry, according to media reports.

Fahad al-Yahya, a psychiatrist who counsels married couples, estimates at least 30 percent of Saudi first marriages end in divorce. The rate is comparable to the United States where, according to the National Center for Health Statistics, 33 percent of first marriages are disrupted either by separation or divorce.

So alarming is the problem that Saudi newspapers often carry stories discussing the issue, citing examples of the trivial incidents that lead to some of the divorces.

For instance, newspapers reported that a man divorced his wife after he found out she'd owned a camera phone for two years. Another left her because she insisted on waiting for a flight at the airport that kept getting delayed instead of returning home — as the husband had suggested.

Experts say the rapid technological change the kingdom witnessed as a result of the 1970s oil boom is one of the major reasons for the rise in divorce rates.

Oil money rapidly turned desert expanses into slick urban centers and gave a boost to women's education, introduced only in the 1960s. But this quick jump into the 21st century has not been accompanied by a parallel adaptation in traditions, tribal customs and attitudes, such as views that wives should be meek and undemanding. Some men, experts say, don't know how to cope with educated women.

"The Saudi woman has joined the work force and has become more educated," said al-Yahya. "This has changed their image from the one that prevailed in the past."

Stringent rules segregating the sexes have remained in place despite the modern facade that has brought malls, satellite TV and the Internet into the kingdom.

Boys and girls are separated once they reach puberty and are often not prepared to live with a member of the opposite sex after they get married. Women, who must wear veils and black cloaks called abayas, are kept away from men who are not husbands, brothers or uncles.

Very rarely do couples go out before they get married, and some don't see their spouses until their wedding night.

Even after they get married, it is difficult for couples to go out together. For instance, a married couple cannot go out to dinner with other married couples because the wives would be in the presence of men who are not their husbands. At family gatherings, women and men sit in separate rooms.

The institution of marriage also has been rocked by the introduction of other forms of marriage, sometimes called weekend marriages, that have grown in popularity in Saudi Arabia after influential clergy issued edicts supporting them earlier this year. These marriages relieve men of financial responsibilities and other obligations, including having to reveal them to family or other wives. Islam allows men to have up to four wives.

The proponents of such marriages say they decrease the number of unwed Saudi women, but critics say such unions destroy the family structure and encourage men to take additional wives who are usually younger "ornaments" rather than older unmarried women.

"I wonder if the virtuous men issuing such edicts do not pause to ponder the effects of such righteous proclamations on our fragile society," wrote Tariq al-Maeena in Arab News recently.

Al-Yahya said one way to save marriages is to make divorces more difficult. In Islam, a man can dissolve a marriage just by telling his wife, "You are divorced." Women, meanwhile, must go to court to get their marriages dissolved and only under exceptional circumstances such as the husband's mental illness.

"If there were strict laws they would make men think twice before divorcing their wives," al-Yahya said.

At a recent al-Shaqaiq Society class, Abdul-Aziz and 17 other young women sat in leather chairs at a horseshoe-shaped table to hear a lecture on "Discovering the Treasures for a Happy Life." The society also offers similar courses for men.

"What do you want out of married life?" instructor Almass al-Hijn asked the group. "Is your goal to find someone to spoil you and take you out to restaurants or to find a man who will protect you and with whom you can build a family?"

One student, 19-year-old Sara Bawahhal who recently got engaged, said she just hopes the course gives her the tools she needs to be a good wife.

"Girls don't know what is expected of them in marriage," she said. "This course expands a girl's horizons so she can go into marriage with open eyes."

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